Movie Talk

So the hubster and I saw Breaking Dawn, Part One, last night. There's a lot of hate out there for Bella Swan & company, but when I read the first couple of books, I took the story at face value---girl and boy meet, fall in love, encounter difficulties. I'm not going to spout all the feminist theory angles about how Bella is in an abusive relationship and how Edward is a creepy pedophile because (a) that shit gets old and boring, fast, and (b) folks can read whatever they want into a story. As my good friend Annie likes to say, your mileage may vary.

I've been approaching the Twilight movies with fairly low expectations just because a movie adaptation of a book is rarely as good or better than the source material. I had real doubts about the Breaking Dawn movie when I first read the book because there are some scenes in there that I could not imagine being in an PG-13 movie. Bella's labor scene in the book was pretty horrifying on a number of levels, so I assumed the future movie would either skip that part or gussy it up somehow to make it less, uh, freakishly scary.

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit, because Bill Condon, the director of Breaking Dawn, didn't flinch from the crazy of that scene. Massive spoilers ahead, along with some discussion of graphic images. Feel free to skip if you haven't read the books or plan to see the movie.

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In the book, Bella, who has been suffering internal injuries from the half-vampire, half-human baby she's carrying, suffers what her physician father-in-law thinks is a separated placenta. Edward, Jacob, and Rosalie rush to deliver the baby via C-section themselves as Bella convulses in horrible agony. At one point, her back breaks, she vomits up blood and begins to choke on it, and her heart begins to fail. The scalpel can't penetrate the unnaturally strong placenta surrounding the fetus, so Edward uses his super-strong teeth to bite through the placenta to get the baby out. I. KNOW. Freak show central, right? The book scene was bloody and horrifying and so over the top that I couldn't decide if I should laugh or burn the book. No way can they film this shit, I scoffed.

Hah. Well, they did, and Bill Condon, bless him, has some mad skills.

In the movie, you don't see Edward chewing through Bella's uterus, but you know what's happening because you see Robert Pattinson bend down out of the frame, you hear what sounds like metal being torn, and Kristen Stewart screams like a feral animal. The camera work during this scene is pretty damn amazing, with the focus on Kristen/Bella and her fierce drive to keep her heart beating long enough for her baby to be delivered. I can see why some viewers suffered seizures during the scene; there are flashing lights, multiple fast camera cuts, blurred, fast moving images, and a cacophony of sound. It was way too intense for a PG-13 movie, but it worked from a story-telling point of view.

Quick aside here: Some magazine thought it would be funny to get an Ob-Gyn to comment on the whole pregnancy and delivery scenes, and of course, the doc was all "Seriously? This is crap," which is exactly what the magazine wanted the doc to say. Come on, people. It's FICTION. Fiction = NOT REAL. Is it really necessary to pull in a real Ob-Gyn to talk about how unrealistic the idea is of a half-vampire, half-human baby and the pregnancy and delivery that goes along with such a critter? Really? That's all you've got? Just say you hate the books, the movies, and the whole Twilight universe and move on. Sheesh.

So yeah...the crazy off-the-wall delivery scene from the book actually translates well to the screen. I still can't get over that, but it just goes to show that my imagination lacks the mad skills of a determined director with a vision. Mad props to Bill Condon for being willing to go there and doing a bang-up job of it.

The wedding scene in the movie is gorgeous, but most beautiful of all is the orchestral music that plays during Bella's long walk down the aisle. I have to give mad props to Billy Burke, aka Charlie Swan, Bella's Dad, for his perfect portrayal. He is gruff, tender, sarcastic, and loving in all of the right places. Kristen Stewart shows a range of emotions with nothing more than her expressive face and body language as she walks in her wedding finery beside her father. Her portrayal of anxiety made me start having mini-panic attacks right along with her. (Seriously, I was clawing the neck of my t-shirt away from my throat so I could breathe.) WHen she finally sees Edward waiting for her at the altar, her anxiety and ambivalence dissipates in slow degrees. She lifts her head. Her spine straightens. She loses that I'm-going-to-throw-up-any-minute expression. When she's close enough to see Edward's smile, she is already transformed from jittery bride to confident woman, and her transformation has nothing to do with vampire venom but everything to do with love and faith in the goodness of another person.

And yes, the honeymoon scenes are pretty hot, but they are also laugh-out-loud funny in all the right places.

All in all, I'd say Breaking Dawn is a win for Team Twilight. Is it Oscar caliber stuff? Of course not. That isn't the filmmakers' intention. So all the haters can keep on hating, and the Twi-hards and Twilight Moms and all the other fans can keep on loving the stories. As for me, I'll be buying the DVD when it comes out, and I'm looking forward to seeing Part Two.

My completely subjective rating: 3.85 stars out of 5 (points off for the goofy voiceover for the wolves' discussion)