Stumbling Again

My better half and I had a long discussion after Bible study yesterday, the kind of discussion that makes me thankful, for perhaps the millionth time, that we are married and that he's willing to listen to me.

One of the big questions I struggle with in terms of my faith is the reality of suffering. I believe God to be all powerful and all loving. So in believing that, I tend to believe that He should be able to step in, put down his Godly foot, and say, "Enough!" when the fecal matter starts hitting the oscillating apparatus, you know? Yet He doesn't do that, or at least, He doesn't do that in ways that I---puny mortal with bad eyesight---can see and understand. And then I start doubting. Not a good thing.

The issue of doubt is our current topic in Bible study. It's refreshing to find out that doubters can be Christians, and Christians can be doubters. The religion of my childhood and adolescence didn't allow for such struggles. You believed, or you were damned. Do not ask questions, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

I used the Holocaust as a prime example. Why didn't God step in and smack the living crap out of Hitler and his cohorts? One of the military chaplains at our church regularly pipes up and reminds me that we're all sinners, therefore, suffering exists. Ohhhhh-kayyyy, but there's suffering, and then there's the Holocaust. Are you sayin' that the Holocaust happened because of sin? Babies and little kids had their brains bashed in by soldiers because the little ankle-biters were sinners?

I don't buy that. I can't buy that. Saying we're sinners, therefore suffering exists, is too pat of an answer to cover the horrible things that have happened in the world. I realize evil exists. I realize that innocent victims are often in the wrong place at the wrong time. I get that. But can't God stop it, or at the very least, do something about it? And when it seems that He doesn't, what is a believer to do?

R brought up many good points in our discussion. We talked about free will and the existence of evil. We talked about the trials of the Jews since the Old Testament times. And he offered that maybe the Holocaust happened because we humans had to learn about our capability for horrific inhumanity. Maybe it had to happen so that we could be sure it would not happen again. But it wasn't punishment for our innate sinfulness, and it wasn't that God stood idly by and watched his Chosen people be methodically tortured and murdered. And as we talked, I realized that He was there in the midst of the dying and the suffering. He witnessed all of it, and He felt every living soul's agony, and He welcomed each departed soul into the paradise of His unending grace. That's what I need to believe. That's what I needed to learn. It's not God's job to stop the horrors that we do to one another. WE are responsible for that. We have the choice to do, to not do, to step in and stop the madness.


I took comfort in R's words and in his faith. His faith is as quiet as a stone, but it's as unshakable as a mountain.

I'm still moving forward in my journey, and yep, I'm still stumbling on the big rocks and the little ones, and getting turned around and wandering, confused and muttering, in circles every now and then. I don't think my sense of direction will ever improve.

And you know what? That's okay. I know how to ask for directions.